The Foundation of Resilience: Awareness of Your Thinking

The more things change, the more they stay the same, and the only constant is change. We get dizzy, overwhelmed, and distrustful.

It’s not so much that we don’t like change; we don’t like nasty surprises, loss, or losing control. But that’s the physics of gravity, momentum, and acceleration, so a refresher on these basic laws.

The First Law of Gravity

Continuous improvement is simply changing anything for the better, yet not so simplistic. 

To illustrate just how difficult it is, consider that improvement means something is going up.  That might be sales, savings, or satisfaction.

In a world where gravity is a powerful force and a law, it is wise to respect it. 

The effort to improve something must include some effort spent considering how to defy gravity if you want your results to last. As the Wright brothers could tell you, you can’t just run off a cliff and expect to soar.

The Second Law of Momentum

You are feeling an urge to rush into action due to the temptation of the crisis. Remember: It’s better to solve one problem than two.

The reminder isn’t more rhetoric about getting to the root cause. Instead, it’s about the first law of motion.

The first law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Changes aren’t always for the better, in part or whole.  Even changes we pursue with great passion and commitment can bring negative downsides.

The second law of motion says that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  Imagine that if you set out to create change for the better, you also break, damage, or destroy something else. 

When trying to change something, you usually try to improve it. That would mean that for every action you take to improve it, you equally create a brand-new problem.

With these two laws possibly at work, it is no wonder that the word “change” causes alarm bells.

Malcolm Goldsmith says believing this doesn’t happen is one of the false beliefs we all carry.  We seem to think that solving our current problems will make us problem-free, because no new issues will arise.

However, it worsens because most of our actions to improve something aren’t inappropriate.  It morphs it, fixes some but not all, or delays it (and usually amplifies the original).

Now, you have the original problem, the changed situation, and the new issue.  That makes three where there used to be one.  Poorly thought-out change quickly leaves you overwhelmed.

The only way to get farther ahead is to plan the change, expect the new problems, and re-plan the changes before executing them. Then, pay attention as you implement.

The Third Law of Acceleration

You have probably heard that objects in motion stay in motion while objects at rest remain at rest.  In change, the best way to stay in motion is to adopt the way of the crab.

Evan Solomon writes in Maclean’s about Trump’s failure to repeal Obamacare despite having his party in the House and the Senate. Solomon offers excellent insight into progress in politics, which is the way of the crab: wide swings to the right and left, but eventually moving forward through negotiations and trade-offs. 

In contrast, Trump’s measure of progress is that of a crow – the fastest and shortest way to get to the finishing line, and the only way forward is a straight line to the outcome he desires—a sure way to stagnate.

The way of the crow results in a massive tug of war.  All motion is locked down by opposing forces.  Everything stays the same; people freak out of frustration and do things out of a high state of disturbance, or opt out altogether. 

The best way to accelerate change is to win everyone over, even if it seems indirect.

The best way to do that is to adopt the way of the crab.  Negotiate, collaborate, bring people along and incorporate their improvements and interests.

When you have quality of thought, you know when to follow and break norms.

We seem to have a few things inside out, backward, and missing in society if we want a higher bar for the future.

An Extroverted World

In the Western world, our social and business worlds reward extroversion. 

Extroversion is one of the Big Five personality traits.  This model is based on common descriptors people use rather than neuropsychology.  One of these five addresses individual differences in where we get our energy.

Extroverts get their energy from other people.  As any introvert can tell you, social situations drain them of energy.  Introverts get their energy from being alone.  Most people reside somewhere on a spectrum between.

Introverts are inward-focused, while extroverts are outward-focused.  In public, extroverts are more likely to be at the mixers, while a library is more likely the stomping ground of an introvert. 

Susan Cain’s book Quiet showed how Introverts have already been individually learning how to function and even thrive in a world that isn’t built for their needs.  Cain’s book helped introverts realize they weren’t alone.

The pursuit of control can be satisfied in two ways: through power or choice.  If you recall that power is interpersonal control and choice is intrapersonal control, then it would seem that extroverts would be more likely to choose interpersonal control.

The two poles seem to be the pursuit of power versus choice, the pursuit of the company versus introspection, and the pursuit of expression versus reservation.

It would seem one is no more valuable than the other.  For society to benefit from the power of introversion, it’s not only that we need to appreciate introverts more; it’s that we need extroverts to feel what it’s like to be an introvert. 

Introverts learn to appreciate mingling, and extroverts would benefit from quiet time alone when they’ve learned how it’s done.

The Basics of Education

To attain the quality of thought, you must tutor the mind. 

Buddhist scholar B. Alan Wallace observes, “We’re living in a world that contributes in a major way to mental fragmentation.”  That may be the way we like it.

When researchers asked study participants to spend 6 to 15 minutes entertaining themselves with nothing but their thoughts, their rating of this experience was overwhelmingly negative.  But how bad is it to sit alone with nothing but your head?

For some, it’s terrible enough to choose an electrical shock instead.  Sixty-seven percent of the men and 25 percent of the women pressed the button to administer a shock that they had said they would pay to avoid. 

Researchers have not yet provided a breakdown of these results by personality trait.

Terry Waite, who spent five years hostage, mostly in solitary confinement, remarked that the main thing he learned from his ordeal was that “Contemporary humanity has lost the ability to engage in productive solitude.”

Metacognition is thinking about thinking.  While people vary in accuracy, it is an essential skill for learning.  It kicks in when you assess your strengths and decide to remove the training wheels.  It’s what you use to determine if a memory might be inaccurate or a decision inappropriate.  It’s what keeps misplaced confidence in check. 

Author Tim Ferriss has said, “A person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.” Some of those conversations are going to be with yourself.

Introspection, meditation, mindfulness; awareness of your thinking; pick your habit.  Metacognition needs a solid place in the mainstream of society, and it’s a skill everyone should learn.

Medicating Depression

Improvement starts with truth. 

Truth can be brutal, but as you’ve learned, the brutality of things imagined is not nearly as bad as the experience.

Psychologists know that people all think they are better than average, except depressed people and people who’ve spent too much time on Facebook. They also know that when it comes to planning, people are prone to underestimation, except depressed people who get it about right. New research is revealing depression might be an adaptation, not a malfunction.  Depressives can see the truth about self, position, and planning. 

Depression might be an evolutionary response to major, real problems.  Depressives think systematically about their problems, often in a highly analytical way.  Numerous studies have shown that they break it down into smaller chunks and consider each at a time.  Some studies have shown a link between feeling depressed and scores on complex intelligence test problems.

Deep thinking and complex analysis don’t work well when it’s interrupted.  The symptoms of depression create the kind of environment perfect for complex problem-solving. 

Studies have shown that the depressed brain protects itself against the potential damage of prolonged rumination.

Expressive writing and other techniques to help the unconscious bridge the gap into consciousness have been shown to promote quicker resolution of depression.

The most challenging problems are the sticky situations where relationships are on the line.  Depressed people are better at solving social dilemmas by analyzing the costs and benefits of the options they may take. 

If you want to ignore it, depression won’t let you, but it will help you, too.  Knowing this deliberate functioning of a healthy brain, resolving depression is about supporting a problem solver at work.

Most businesses fail because of management incompetence, often at considerable cost to business owners, customers, and suppliers. (ABRP 2002, Insolvency Services 2005, De Meza 2002).

We need quality of thought. It is time to evolve the workplace from that of the hunter-gatherer, past that of the agricultural age and into the actualization age.  Workplaces are fair and collaborative and fulfill collective and individual needs.  Granted, it’s a utopian vision, but it serves as a direction.

Think like a Scientist

Scientists hold facts dear, starting from a foundation of truth and reflecting with imagination.

When all these biases and traps intertwine and mingle, the momentum of human nature leans toward chaos.  It’s merely the law of entropy.

Impatient for answers, substitutions for facts are offered and accepted when facts are unavailable.   Like high fructose corn syrup can replace sugar, CDs can mimic pure sound, and a photograph can look just like real; sometimes, something else is more economical, convenient, or reproducible than the truth. 

When we don’t find the facts, the truth, we may not feel the effects right away, but eventually, the difference is undeniable.  Our diets and health are suffering, and satisfaction with substitutions for the real thing has detrimental downsides. 

Without an evolved decision, we seek to solve the wrong problems.  We waste our time, effort and resources when we seek to solve the wrong problem.  We pick the wrong mountain to climb and either give up trying or find out far too late when we get to the top, realize the situation, and hitch a ride.

A failure to find and address the real problem leads to change for the sake of change, wasting time and resources while the real issue continues to cost the bottom line. 

In a rush to act, assumptions and opinions are used to sort out the greys.  Cost-effects include dismissing good ideas, interpersonal conflict, and poor communication. 

Evolved decisions lead to efficiency by working on the correct problems, finding the right solutions and recognizing and reacting to any holes.  Facts lay the foundation for better decisions, increased morale, and less stress. 

The difference between being busy and making progress is a scientific process.

Work as an Artist

We must change our minds to change our health, relationships, and success. 

Not everyone gets so lucky to find their voice. When we have to accept our lot in life, the brain is good at tolerating otherwise intolerable conditions. 

Frustrated frustration turns into logical acceptance, the voice of objection silenced under layers of rationalization.  The funny thing is, it is still there, grumbling away, unheard and untamed, leaking out all over the place in self-inflicted pain and suffering.

When false acceptance is no longer necessary and the clouds part to let the sun shine through, everything changes. 

Consider when divorce was legalized and accessible.  Suddenly, the divorce rate soared as couples realized that no, they don’t have to put up with this.   The abuse went down, as partners could walk instead of taking punishment, and the abuser knew his target wasn’t caged.  

Contrary to popular opinion that divorce ruined the institution of marriage, it seems that it brought it to a higher level of quality that might just be too rich for average folk.  Can one be so lucky, or is happily married an oxymoron? 

To work as an artist is to do the work you’d do before someone told you that you must make a living.  If Elon Musk is right and the future holds a basic salary for everyone, this is the way of the future.

Now you can pick yourself, live an authentic life and say you did it your way.

Care like a Doctor

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, and it comes with it’s downsides.

Leslie Jamison, the author of The Empathy Exams, spent part of her career evaluating doctors’ care as a model patient.  Her perspective changed when she got sick and was a patient in real life.

A doctor who was kind but not empathic struck the right chord.  Should they attempt to feel what it is like for every patient, they would have difficulty getting through the day.  What patients need is professionalism.  We don’t want to see a mirror of our anxiety, pain, and suffering.  A calm demeanour makes us feel secure.

Researchers shared the photo of Sherri Summers with strangers.  They were told of her medical plight.  She was on a list, a very fair list, but she’s not at the top.  Then, the researchers asked if they would intervene to move her up. 

The results pivoted on one sentence: “Put yourself in her shoes and feel what she’s feeling.” With that, most people were willing to forget the list, even though they knew it was at the equal sacrifice of another.

Non-profits know not to bore you with the statistics; they give you a name, a face, and a story.

Empathy results in concern for an individual, which is terrific, but it’s at the expense of the masses.  The automatic decisions we make out of empathy, on reflection, are regrettable.  We want fairness in lists, not intervention for the individual.

One data point, one story, may not represent the entire picture, but when you hear that one story, you will be swayed.  Caring like a doctor is about effective altruism and rational compassion for others, with the awareness of your thinking that is swayed by empathy.