The Resilient Introduction: Nailing First Impressions

I dated my boyfriend for months without him knowing my name. As he called me all sorts of cute nicknames, I thought he was cute, not covering up a lack of knowledge.

He thought he would read it off mail, or certifications on the wall, jewelry, something. After months, we were about to watch television at my house when he read the channel list.

When it’s far past first impressions, it can be impossible to ask.

As for my certifications, they are in a drawer. As for my mail, it was filed.

Keeping track of the information related to the various Important Contacts in your life is what makes them The Important Contacts. You should know the basics and act on them. This means last names, phone numbers, and birthdays, at least.

I’d been snowmobiling with Tom and Joe a few times before my boyfriend wasn’t there, and we got talking. If timelines and roles serve, Joe and I likely crossed paths professionally, but first impressions didn’t stick. I have no memory of it, and he says, neither does he.

Months later, needing to find their room in a massive hotel, without their last names at hand, I would have had to ask for the room of a Tom or a Joe. I was happy to avert that situation, but my boyfriend couldn’t have saved himself.

Again, with not knowing a name. We’ve saved their lives, and they’d be there for us. You’d think we’d introduce ourselves at some point.

People have always told him to write things down, and he relies on memory instead. He does have a good one, but all memory isn’t as reliable as the little black book. In paper and pen, as I always say, because all technology dies before you do.

The Core Problems

The problem was that I’d been his customer for years, but even then, I’d been someone’s girlfriend. Never a name.

Finally, I got a job in the most popular store in town and wore a name badge for six months. Lately, I heard that I was being talked about behind my back by my name, not as a girlfriend.

Too bad all that name-calling made me realize how much I hated that name. Introducing myself meant using it, explaining it, spelling it… and it had so many syllables. I remember trying to say it differently so it would only be two, but the teacher corrected me, much to my embarrassment.

Change my name, change my desire to introduce myself, to get past first impressions.

Change my posture, change my energy, change my chance of making a connection and finding those spiritually-minded Conservatives who think that Pierre Poilievre is funny, relatable, passionate, admirable, quick on his feet, and strong on his principles.

I sure know how I’m going to introduce myself, and the first impressions I am looking to find.

The happiest relationships I’ve had were ones in which I was engaged in deep conversation that felt equal, yet individual. In university, we were talking about the same courses, movies, books, recipes, and more. For one blissful winter, it was getting a long email in the morning, having time to read it, and then having time to write back so that the other person could do the same.

In retrospect, if I knew I was going to meet a new person every four months, and then be on to the next city, I’d keep a file of my best stories and copy/paste them into a quick reply, saving myself time and effort while seemingly equally invested. Such a player thing to do!

Solving Clear Problems

Today, I am played out. I know what I want, and I can be crystal clear about it. I love my current relationship for many things, but no one is perfect. What I lack is a relationship that fills the gap without threatening what I have. It’s so close to perfection, but there’s one small missing piece.

First impressions would indicate it’s so tiny.

Today, I wish I could find an introduction to someone who would do some reading of mine, and I could do some reading of theirs, and we could talk about our different perspectives in ways that are respectful, painless, and illuminating, just like the old days.

I bet I could put up an ad. “Hey, I’ll read yours if you read mine, and we promise to be kind.”

Well, I do remember it being fun.

Beyond first impressions, this person must have a sense of humour. Be open-minded and conservative, with time available to fill, because I don’t need a cut-and-paste magician or automaton. A real person. Must be able to read about hunting, snowmobiling, and engineering. Must be able to promise not to pry this gap any wider, and know what I mean, because I use a lot of sneaky ways to mask some truths, but they aren’t that sneaky.

When I was a kid and discovered word finds, my teacher said she would complete them if I made them. After three or four, I filled in some of the blocks with answers that were close to, but not perfectly spelled.

She returned that one, telling me that she found the word twice, confirming all first impressions that she wasn’t paying attention. I didn’t submit any more after that; I’m not looking for anyone to do me any favors.

Finding Perfect Solutions

I already have it so close to perfection, and one interested reader would make life perfect. When I was younger, my online dating profiles rambled and revealed that I had no idea what I wanted, and clearly didn’t know who I was either. It’s no wonder they failed. Now, my ad can be perfectly succinct, easily posted, and quickly filled.

I’m in no rush, though. As I’m editing what I finally finished writing a year ago, I’ve got lots of work ahead of me.

Then, it’s snowmobile season, and I have a new Skidoo Competition Turbo with season passes for both Ontario and Quebec.

April, then, there’s a lot of yard work and the start of lumberjack season.

Summer is tourist season, bikini season, gardening season, and lake trout season.

Fall brings the harvest, the hunt, and the hunkering down for winter.

Which brings us right back to today. What a year! I’m not sure of my favorite season; there are so many!

In there, I am supposed to find time for this one more relationship I yearn to have.

Like a few hours a week stand between me and a perfectly fulfilled life. I must be the luckiest person in the universe! For I could simply hire an editor.

When I tried to tell people I could improve anything to near-perfection, I can see why they wouldn’t believe me. I can’t stop laughing when I say it in the mirror; it’s so absurd, considering the first impressions I create.

So, there it is, a real-life example of what I am talking about when I talk about becoming authentic and solving problems. Of the freedom in mastering your mind, when I talk about What Could Be, and the seven freedoms you can work at attaining. Sure, it sounds ridiculous.

So read for yourself, and let’s discuss it.

Sharing Inner Truths

Maybe it will help you find your own perfect solution by starting with the time to accomplish it, solving the problems holding you back, and innovating new solutions when the current ones crumble.

I love bikini season because you get to lie around in the sun and read a book. Sometimes, you can even throw a hook in the water. “Fishing?” Yep. “Getting a tan?” Yep, but first impressions are never, “Reading a book?”

It’s like some people don’t even know what it is. To me, it’s an obvious way to improve life while passing the time. However, today, I simply fish, and I’ve learned to use sunscreen.

Only you know what’s going on in your head, and whether peace is the correct label. When it isn’t, you need to set out to discover your inner truths deliberately.

To change your personality, you change your reality. Stop bragging about things you don’t want to be accurate, such as saying, “I am sad.” You change the stories you tell about the past because you’ve learned to see them differently, not because a recruitment coach told you which parts you should edit out. You share different realities because they are different in your inner reality. You’ve grasped something that you’d missed before.

You can get old or grow old – the choice is yours. Eventually, the broken record becomes worn out. You can choose to upgrade before you get worn out.

My first complete lesson in snowmobiling was, “This is the gas. This is the brake. Try to keep up.”

While trying to keep up, I saw signs everywhere that read, “Slow.”

I couldn’t help but think, “How dare you call me names?”

I tried and tried harder and harder. First impressions indicated there was nothing to it, but experience taught me otherwise.

Finding Joint Success

When I lived deep in the woods, I loved the days when heavy snowfall brought the branches of the trees for a beautiful sight. On those days, it seemed to take forever for the plow to show up, and I’d be stuck at home waiting.

I figured I could do nothing about it until an insight hit me.

I realized that my pretty driveway was also a scratch-inducing tunnel. I’d get plowed after enough snow melted, and branches sprang back. After some pruning, I became much easier to help and earned an earlier position on the list.

Create win-win solutions when your win is their win, and vice versa. Make it not about you, and the barrier of first impressions will become obvious.

Sometimes, the solutions aren’t perfect. Maybe you’ve heard the joke of the man stranded on his roof as the water rose. He was faithful that God would save him, so he didn’t evacuate when he was ordered to by the government, even when offered a seat in a vehicle. A canoe came by, but he waved it on, saying God would save him. Then, a helicopter. Finally, the water overcame him. When he met God, he asked, “Why didn’t you save me?” God replied, “Son, I sent you a car, a canoe, and a helicopter. What more did you want?”

Be thankful that you are so fortunate to need the help you do, for some people would love to have that problem. Be clear about your requirements so you can distinguish between progress and distraction.

Without a specific call to action, your audience may not even know they are poised to help you with something. Instead of bragging or complaining, communicate with accuracy and precision.

Help them help you, and you may find the joint success you desire.

Tricks of Introductions

When Tom and Joe got last names, they even taught me a trick to remember them. We didn’t get as far as exchanging phone numbers; we only added one name. They got my first, and I got their last.

Each of them said, “When you need to remember my last name, think of…” Perhaps when you grow up with a generic name, you find a way to help people separate you from the pack.

Perhaps when you grow up with a name like mine, you teach them what it rhymes with.

People want to be remembered past first impressions, and they are flattered you did, so help them do it because it makes everyone happy.

What if a perfect opportunity comes up and they can’t remember your name? If the future is coming when your lack of memory is going to be exposed, what do you do? Invent a cover-up, fess up, or get out of there? Don’t make people sweat it out; help them out.

There’s something about everyone that separates them from the pack. There are a couple of words that describe exactly that person in life. “Mastermind,” Ted Danson’s character wants to be called.

One person introduced himself to me as “Number Two.” When I met him in real life, I found out that he had a racing career under that number and had snowmobiled recreationally his whole life.

People tend to know who they are, and it’s helpful when they are upfront and immediate about it.

I confess this as someone who has moved on from “Girlfriend.”

Or at least the clock is ticking. It better not be replaced by my name, but by an increase in status, as such was my ultimatum.

I know how I want to be introduced, and it better be with pride.

Personal and Universal Improvements

Recently, my favorite boots developed a leak. Remembering that I’d bought them on Black Friday for half price, and it was Black Friday, I checked to see if they were on sale.

They were. I added some other stuff instead of paying for shipping, and eagerly awaited my box.

I got an email instead. The boots weren’t coming.

For the next three days, I checked whether anyone had returned them or if new stock had materialized. On the third day, I rushed to check out (but still got free shipping). I rushed so fast that I didn’t use the “We’re Sorry” discount code they provided.

To that store, I am going to introduce myself as someone who used to audit processes to identify cost-saving and revenue-boosting ideas that could be implemented cheaply and easily. Such is how I will frame my suggestion: that the next time they send such an email, they provide the option to keep the order open for 5 days in case they can fill it.

First in line for new stock? Yes please.

Having worked in the departments that handle these kinds of messages, I’d vote no, this won’t happen. It’s rare for an improvement idea to make it all the way through to the right person who both understands it and can make it happen.

There are usually all kinds of other projects already underway that were put in place 12 to 18 months ago. There are usually a few people learning what their job is while innocently letting things fall through the cracks. Things innocently fall through the cracks because job responsibilities don’t line up like the pyramid they should, but more like a game of Jenga, where a dog’s tail could wag and take it all down.

The Personal Clarity

Tony Robbins discusses the six basic needs of a human being, including the need for significance. Some find it in suffering, misfortune, and hardship. As a result, what should sound like complaining is holding on to what makes them unique, treating these things as lasting and permanent conditions rather than temporary and transient.